TOXIC PEOPLE

I hate toxic people. Toxic people poison the earth with their misery and incessant complaining. Spores of negative energy spew out of their mouths every time they open it. These people are so unhappy with themselves, (and life in general) that they can't stand to see other people happy. It becomes their MISSION to make everyone in the world as miserable as they are. They spend countless hours gossiping and thinking of ways to cause harm to those who enjoy life. They blame everyone else for their problems, even if it has nothing to do with the other person. Sometimes the stories are comical and entertaining. I should write a sitcom about the experiences I've had with toxic people. The name of the sitcom will be THE TOXIC TASK FORCE. It will be a about a group of people who meet several times a month to make up stories about their neighbors so they have something to gossip about. They'll have nicknames like "Agent Acid" and "Sargent Cyanide."  The meetings will take place in the Sargent's old tree house. First, the members will vote for the best candidate to gossip about. 
Criteria include: Emotionally unstable, sensitive, kind-hearted, prone to depression, and occasionally volatile. Next, they pick a topic of discussion, and finally, each member will have an opportunity to "sell" their fabricated story to the rest of the group. The most hurtful and damaging story wins. 

There would also be another element to the sitcom. A vigilante character. (Of course, that would be me!) I would find ways to piss them off- like putting a dozen Pink Flamingos all over their lawn with picket signs that say, "NO MORE TOXINS! NO MORE TOXINS!" Then, I'd gather a pile of dog shit and pretend it's Flamingo shit and place it under each Flamingo's ass. Then I'd light each pile of shit on fire and hide in the bushes with a live feed to Facebook as the Toxic People come running onto the lawn with garden hoses and try to put out the fires. The odor from the burning shit would make them start puking all over each other. They'd be slipping and falling in the shit and puke and the neighbors would come outside to see what was happening and everyone would be taking pictures and video with their cell phones and posting them on Facebook and Youtube. The videos would go viral with the title: FLAMING FLAMINGO SHITHEADS. 

TOXIC PEOPLE CAN KISS MY ASS