PLENTY OF FISH.COM

My friend told me about another on-line dating website, called PLENTY OF FISH.COM. I was skeptical. It's a free sight, giving it huge potential for CHEAP men. I hate cheap people, whether it's a man or a woman. But, since I'm a risk taker, (woo-hoo!) I filled out the profile. I hate filling out profiles. It's hard to describe yourself. It takes forever too. (I'm so impatient.) 

I was about to leave the site when I got a "wink" from someone. I admit, I got excited. Another wink came in. I couldn't figure out how to see who was winking at me. I got frustrated. (More impatience.) All of a sudden two more winks came in! Wow! My head was getting big! But how the $#!k do I open them? There were so many icons to click. I was overwhelmed. A window popped up on the screen. Someone wanted to "chat" with me. I couldn't see who it was. I tried every icon. After sitting there for a YEAR, I gave up. I decided to check my emails.

I had twenty new emails. Half of them were spam, but the other half came from PLENTY OF FISH.COM. I clicked on the first one. A woman's picture came up. Uh oh. Did I check the wrong gender box? "Hello sweet girl!  I'm looking to cuddle... I have a bottle of wine. I'm sitting in front of my fireplace, waiting for you. Give me a call..." 
Her code name was TENDER LOVE. 

I thought about it for a minute. She was beautiful. I do like to cuddle... 

I opened the next email.

There was no picture. It said, "You have great biceps- so big and strong..." Yuck! I hate my arms. They make me feel like a man. DELETE.    

The third one had a picture, but I couldn't tell if it was a man or a woman. It said, "I loved your profile, you are sweeter than butter. Let me spread you on my toast."

WHAT??????????????
DELETE.

I was afraid to open another one. But of course I did.

No picture again. It said, "Hi. I'm bisexual. Do you go both ways?" 

I was getting discouraged.

The next one had a picture of a decent looking guy. Great! A man!

He wrote, "Hi beautiful! I loved reading your profile. Great pic, too. I bet your smile lights up a room."

I melted.   
"I'm a cross-dresser. Does that offend you?"

My life sucks.