COLD WEATHER

I hate cold weather. Who wants to be cold? It sucks being cold. Winter kills me. The lack of sunlight... the gray skies... chapped lips and dry skin and goosebumps that don't go away. If you're going outside, you have to double up your wardrobe and pile on layers of clothing. Then you have to squeeze into your winter coat- the clothes are so thick you can barely get your arms in the jacket, so you walk around with your arms floating at your sides because you can't bend them. Gloves are stupid. Your fingers get cold no matter what. 

If your car is outside, forget about leaving on time for work. You have to scrape the friggin' ICE that covers all of the windows and then sit in your car shivering and rubbing your hands together waiting for the heat to turn on. Then you have to wait for the windows to defrost. It takes FOREVER so you end up driving away with your head sticking out the window. If it snows, the challenges increase to a higher level of HELL. Now you're scraping snow AND ice from your windshield.  The snow gets inside your boots, your socks get wet, your toes are freezing, and then you slip on a patch of ice and bang your head off the bumper which probably hurts like hell but you're so FUCKING COLD you don't feel it and all of this shit happens before you even get in the car. If your car has the old-fashioned "roll down" windows, your SCREWED because they freeze and you can't open them. If you don't have automatic locks, you're screwed again. You can't get your key in the lock because it's FROZEN. Snowfall causes people to drive like IDIOTS. They skid and spin out all over the place, causing MORE traffic jams than usual. If you have a dog, the cold weather makes it completely unenjoyable to take him for a walk. If your dog is old, sometimes they don't want to go out. Can you blame them? They can't wear boots or socks. Imagine walking on the cement when it's 5 degrees out? Then having to poop on the frozen grass? It's so damn cold the poop STEAMS when it hits the ground. That's gross. It gets worse- have you ever tried to open a poop baggie when your fingers are frozen? It's almost IMPOSSIBLE. So you stand there for ten FUCKING minutes trying to lick your fingers to open it but the damn thing just doesn't want to split apart and your nose is running and the wind is making your eyes water and you still can't get the baggie open and by the time you do, the poop is already frozen. 

Cold weather keeps you inside all day, all night, for months and months... the forced heating systems make your throat dry and your skin flake and you feel suffocated and helpless.
Some people say, "I LOVE  cold weather."  I think they're mentally ill.

The only good thing about cold weather is the disappearance of BUGS. That's a big PLUS, but who really gives a shit when you can't go outside anyway? When it snows you have to shovel walkways and driveways and stairs and then you have to shovel your elderly neighbors' driveway too, because you feel guilty if you don't. Shoveling can be dangerous. Like when you're in a groove, and you're making progress, then suddenly you hit a bump and the shovel IMPALES you. Right in the GUT. It sucks, but you have to keep shoveling because you're only halfway done.  I hate when people say, "It's beautiful when it snows." Yeah right, for like, a day. After that, there's dog piss everywhere and the snow becomes yellow and dirty and cars spew mud on the snowbanks and the sides of the highway look like shit. The roads get covered in salt which eats away at your car and the potholes and cracks in the cement wreck your tires and throw your alignment off.  Some of the potholes are so big cars disappear right in front of you. 
I hate when it's cold and you run into someone on the sidewalk who wants to chit chat. You're standing there, freezing to death, your face is numb, and all you want to do is tell Mr. Chit-Chat to SHUT UP so you can go inside. 
Cold weather SUCKS.