A BEETLE ON MY HEAD?

I was vacuuming the carpet when I felt something move on my head. I turned off the vacuum. I stood up. I lifted my hand and put it on my head. It moved again. I dropped the vacuum and started flipping my head all over the place. Whatever it was, it was tangled in my hair. It had probably been there for a while. The thought freaked me out more. I almost broke my neck trying to shake it out. Finally, a coin-size object whipped across the room and hit the wall. It dropped to the floor. It was a giant BEETLE. I was grossed out. It was HUGE and UGLY. What if it laid eggs on my head? Then my scalp would be crawling with baby beetles and I would have to shave my head. I don't think I would look good bald. I looked at the beetle on the floor. He was still alive, trying to recover from the hit against the wall. I felt bad for him. What if he didn't mean to land on my head? Maybe he was flying by and I stood up and he got caught in my hairspray? I got a paper plate from my cabinet and scooped him up, carefully.I brought him outside and slid him off the plate to the ground. He seemed grateful. It looked like he was about to fly away when a giant BOOT appeared above us and stepped on him. I looked up. It was the UPS guy. 
"Hi Amy! I have a package for you!"