POOP ON THE CARPET

I hate when I find poop on the carpet. I was vacuuming the third floor hallway, and I was tired and sweaty. I was almost done, which made me happy, because I love to look behind me and see the perfect vacuum lines trailing the carpet. Plus, it smelled clean and fresh, thanks to my favorite carpet deodorizer, Arm -n- Hammer's "PET FRESH."
As I wiped the sweat from my brow, (cheesy) I was about to push the vacuum forward when I saw a cigar on the floor. Of course, it wasn't really a cigar. It was a fresh, stinky piece of POOP.

LONG pause.

WHAT THE F?

Let's review: 

You're walking your dog down the hallway and a piece of SHIT literally SHOOTS OUT OF HIS ASS. You don't notice? OR, you do notice, but you decide to LEAVE IT THERE BECAUSE YOU KNOW "AMY" WILL CLEAN IT UP!

Hmmm... which one do you think it is?

I'll choose the latter. Which means, that "Amy" will pray to the Lords of the Universe that the next time you take your dog out, he will take a shit in your car and on your feet and all over your new pants and then you will slip in it, and your face will get smeared with it, and then it will rain, and the shit on your face will drip into your mouth, which will make you VOMIT, and then your new girlfriend will show up and see you on the ground with shit all over you and she will DUMP YOUR INCONSIDERATE, LAZY, WHITE-TRASH GUETTO ASS and you will never have a girlfriend again.

I HATE POOP ON THE CARPET.