SHOVELING

It was midnight. The storm was raging. I piled on TEN layers of clothing. I could barely move my arms and legs. It took me an HOUR to get my coat on. I looked like the MICHELIN GIRL. I opened the door and stepped outside. It felt like it was five degrees.  My thermometer said it was ten. SCORE! I gained five degrees!
My boots disappeared in the snow. Wow. It was deep. AWESOME. The light from the tower illuminated the snow and I could see diamonds and crystals sparkling everywhere. It was beautiful. Until another gust of wind blew a wall of snow into my face. It blinded me and the wind pushed me backwards. A curb was there, causing me to trip. My legs shot upwards. I was in slow motion, watching my legs fly above me. I thought about doing a stunt, like a circle in the air and then landing on my feet, but the slow-motion was over and I crashed down hard, on my TAILBONE. That was AWESOME. Then I skidded backwards a few feet and rolled over. I got pissed and tried to get up, but slipped again. This time I fell forward, with no slow-motion effect. I hit the ground face first. My arms couldn't bend so there was no protection.
I was having a BLAST. The snow started to seep into the tops of my boots and my socks were wet and I was convinced my ears fell off because I couldn't feel them.  I thought about going back inside.
"No!" Said my subconscious. "You can do this."
I pictured myself as RAMBO.
I grabbed my shovel and faced the storm. Blindly, (okay, maybe slightly blind) I shoveled the snow, fiercely scooping up huge piles with one stroke. I developed a rhythm. The wind and snow were driving into me but I kept on.  I lost feeling in my hands. It's a good thing they were frozen to the shovel because it still allowed me to push the snow to one side. I was Rambo, in Vietnam, digging a hole in the ground to build a tunnel to rescue POW's in a concentration camp. I had to get them. RAMBO wouldn't leave them behind. I shoveled faster and harder. Then I hit a bump in the sidewalk and IMPALED MYSELF.

FUCK RAMBO. I went inside to DEFROST and decided the shoveling could wait until the morning.