WALMART EMPLOYEES

I hate Walmart employees. It NEVER FAILS that I get in the line with the miserable employee. Tonight I was thrilled to find an open lane. "This will be quick!" I thought. "A first!"

Wishful thinking. I should have known the 12 year old cashier would tell me his woes. (I'm kidding, he was probably 13.)
As he scanned each item, a year passed. I had a new hair on my chin that grew all the way to the floor. I know all about this little brat's life. Go ahead- ask me about his family. They're all assholes, according to him. His mother is mad at him because he crashed her car. (Oh wait- he must've been at least 16 if he can drive.) His girlfriend dumped him because he never showed up for their prom due to the car accident. Which, of course, wasn't his fault. He was looking at his phone because he thought his mother was texting him.  (Right.) He told me he had 15 minutes left in his shift, and he couldn't wait to get out of there because he was so tired. He'd been there almost 8 hours. (Poor thing.) He hated working there because management was unfair to him.  He said they should treat him better than the other employees because he works harder than everyone else. Plus, he said he's worked there "forever"- almost 6 months! (WOW. That's long-term employment.) And he never missed a day of work except when he "sprained his hand" playing softball- it was a bad sprain but he only took off a week. Other employees took days off when the weather is good. He said he was a good employee because he'd never done that. Then he said there was an "incident" last week between him and a girl employee. He said she was a bitch and lied about the "incident" and he got in trouble and was given a written warning and he hates all of them and he's going to quit and find a better job where someone will appreciate how hard he works.
At this point, I couldn't take it anymore. I grabbed his head and shoved his face into the cash register. No wait- I was thinking about doing that, but the "Walmart Security Guard" was walking by so I refrained. 
So I'm standing there, waiting for this little shit to finish scanning my items and I'm thinking a quadriplegic could scan faster than him! Finally, he's done and I'm holding my debit card ready to swipe it when all of a sudden HE PULLS OUT HIS CELL PHONE and looks at it. "Damn! I still have ten minutes left!" He said. I lunged and tackled him to the floor. No I didn't. (Damn security guard.) "Can I swipe my card now?" I asked him. My heart is pounding. Fireballs start SHOOTING OUT OF MY EARS and I'm glaring at him. He doesn't even look up because  HE'S STILL TALKING! 
"THAT'S IT!" I yelled. "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SHUT UP!" 
He stopped talking.

I swiped my card and got the hell out of there before I went postal on him. 
I HATE WALMART.