MCDONALD'S "SHAKES"

I hate everything about McDonalds except their chocolate milkshakes. I love their chocolate milkshakes. That is, until yesterday.
I was driving to my boyfriend's house and saw a McDonald's. Suddenly, I had a craving for a chocolate milkshake. I got one and sucked it down in 5 minutes. When I got to my boyfriend's, I told him about the milkshake and how much I enjoyed it.
He said, "It's not a milkshake. Just a "shake." I was confused. "What? Why?" He said McDonald's isn't allowed to call it a "milkshake" because there's no milk in it. So I said, "Well then what's in it? How can there be no milk in it?" My boyfriend said he didn't know, but that's what he'd heard. We decided to google it. 
I almost projectile vomited. It's made with 

SUGAR INFUSED PLASTIC AND LARD.

(LONG PAUSE.)

I know, it sounds like a load of crap. We thought so too. But then we did some more googling and we're pretty sure the information and ingredients are accurate. 


WTF?

How is this LEGAL? Who created this recipe? What kind of plastic do they use? Is it melted first? What does "infused" with sugar mean? How is that done? And the lard- does that tone down that "plastic" flavor? And make it creamy? (Gag. Dry-heave.) Who is the McDonald Man that makes these decisions? I want to have a meeting with this man so I can shove that sugar infused plastic up his ASS and make him eat LARD for breakfast. 

I HATE MCDONALD'S.