NURSERY RHYMES

       & A BAD DATE

I have the worst luck with men. I once dated a guy who drove a hearse. (I didn't know this until he picked me up in it.) On our way to a restaurant he told me I should get my hair colored because there were a lot of grays in it. I told him I'd never had a guy tell me that, let alone on a first date. He said I shouldn't be offended. He was a hairdresser and he would "fix" my hair. For some DUMB-ASS reason, I said okay. It was the worst haircut I've ever had. 

He asked me out again. I said no. He got angry. The next day I heard someone singing (more like shouting) what sounded like a nursery rhyme. I looked out my window and there he was, singing at the top of his lungs, "Mary had a Little Lamb," only he changed the lyrics to, "Amy was a little whore." Then he slipped right into "Humpty Dumpty" which became "Hump me, Hump me, on the wall..."  

I yelled out my window for him to stop. He didn't. He started singing, "The Little Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe" but changed the words to "A little old BITCH who lived in a WHORE-HOUSE.." I wanted to point out that his version of nursery RHYMES didn't RHYME at all. My neighbors  started complaining. I was mortified. I called the cops. He sped away in his hearse before they arrived. 

I really know how to pick the winners.