COOKIE BRIBE


When I lived in LA, I used to love to go dancing with my girlfriends. It was an excuse to dress up and pretend like we were important. It only worked if we knew the bouncers at the club. If  we didn't, FORGET IT. No club is worth waiting outside in a clusterfuck of desperate wanna-be's standing half naked with skimpy dresses and spiked heels while the MEATHEAD BOUNCERS toyed with you and made you feel humiliated and STUPID each time they let other girls in the club even though you'd been standing there for a half hour.  No club is worth that shit. 


Most of the time, one of us knew somebody who knew somebody and we didn't have to wait with the rest of the schmucks on the sidewalk.
There were a few occasions when I was running late and had to meet the girls there.  Since I wasn't the one with all of the "connections", I always had to worry about getting stranded outside.  One night, we had plans to meet at THE PALMS, in Hollywood. I came up with a silly idea, and decided to give it a try. I baked two dozen chocolate chip cookies and put them in a big, red giftbag. I drove to the club, found street parking (miraculous!) and walked two blocks to the entrance. It was mobbed. At least 60 or 70 people crowded together on the sidewalk, trying to get the bouncers attention to let them in. Ugh. I hated that shit.
I took my red gift bag with the cookies in it and stood halfway in the street, to separate myself from the crowd. I lifted the bag above my head and held it in the air until one of the bouncers looked at me. I winked and pointed at the bag and mouthed the words, "FOR YOU."
I held my breath. This could go in either direction. I prayed.
He was intrigued. The bouncer motioned for me to come to the entrance. I couldn't believe it! It worked! Well, so far anyway... I still had to get INSIDE the club!
I started my way toward the door, but most of the people in line (women, in particular) wouldn't let me by. The bouncer ordered everyone to move aside so I could pass them. He lifted the ropes for me to slip underneath and there I was, standing in front of 70 people who HATED MY GUTS.
I loved it.
He asked me what was in the bag.
I leaned toward him, and whispered, "Cookies. I baked them for you, hoping to bribe you into letting me cut the line." He leaned back against the wall and started laughing. I wasn't sure if this was a good thing or a bad thing.
He said, "Are you kidding?"
I said, "No. They're still warm!" I gave him a cookie. "Everyone tells me I make the best chocolate chip cookies."
By now, the other doormen were curious. He told them about the cookie bribe.  They laughed at me. I handed out more cookies. The bouncer introduced me to the owner of the club. He told me I would never have to wait in line as long as I baked cookies for them!
"It's a DEAL!"  I said.


My COOKIE BRIBE worked!
It was a great moment for me. I found my girlfriends in the club. We were taken to the VIP section and served free drinks all night while we danced till DAWN.
That night I learned the VALUE OF A GOOD CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE.