NEW ENGLAND & BUGS

Sometimes I hate living in New England. I can't help it.  All of the seasons have things that make them SUCK. The Fall sucks because you have to RAKE THE LEAVES. The Winter sucks because you have to SHOVEL THE SNOW. The Spring sucks because it RAINS ALL OF THE TIME . The Summer sucks because of THE BUGS.

I saw them today. ALL OF THEM. All of those damn nasty little critters that make my skin crawl. I took Gypsy for a walk.  We were hiking through the woods. I tripped over a tree root (no surprise there) and fell on my face. Right next to a MOUNTAIN of dirt. It looked like a mini-volcano sprouting from the ground. It was a giant ANT HILL. Disgusting. I hate ants. I must have woke them up because suddenly a CONVOY of ants came spewing out of the hole. I freaked out- started flapping my arms and legs trying to shake them off me. The ants were all around us. Everywhere we looked we saw giant volcano ant-hills. I looked at Gypsy. She was freaked out, too. We started running. I kept trying to avoid stepping on the damn volcanos but there were so many I gave up. All I could think about was Gypsy's paws having to step on them without shoes on.  Because I started to panic, naturally I lost my sense of direction. I couldn't stop to catch my bearings because the ants would overtake us. We had to keep running. I veered off the path  and shouted to Gypsy- "Jump, Girl!" She sailed over the bushes. I didn't jump high enough. It was a thorn bush. My pants got all caught up in the thorns. I tried to catch myself as I fell sideways. I almost saved myself. Almost. Went down again. Thorns were stuck all over me. I started crying.  Then I got pissed. We kept running. I think we were running deeper into the woods, but I couldn't tell which way we were going. It was awful. Gypsy was panting and I was sweating and all of the other NASTY BUGS in the air were sticking to my skin. It seemed like the BUGS were consuming us.
Suddenly a voice called out. "Are you okay?"

Huh? Did I hear a human voice? Or was it a giant WASP buzzing in my ear?

"Hey, lady- are you okay?" The hiker was standing behind me.

"THANK GOD! Oh my GOD, you have to help us get out of here!" I was in sheer panic, having a full blown ANXIETY ATTACK.  I thought we were going to DIE from BUG INVASION. 

I started crying again.

The hiker led us back to civilization, which was a few feet to the left, at the bottom of a small hill. I felt like the biggest LOSER.

I hate BUGS IN NEW ENGLAND.