SHOOT ME NOW

Many years ago, I was doing extra work for a TJ Maxx Commercial. The location was on a highway over-pass. I was bored as hell. I hated being an extra. Most of us weren't going to be used in the first half of the commercial, which meant we had NOTHING TO DO for several hours. Ugh. I decided to pass the time by watching the cars whizzing by underneath the overpass. Sometimes the drivers would look up to see what was going on.

I didn't notice when the cameras started rolling. They were shooting the first scene of the commercial. At the same time, three 18-wheeler trucks were heading my way. I remembered when I was a little girl, we used to wave to the truck driver's so they would blow their horns. Without thinking, I gave the signal and started waving my hands in the air. When the trucks passed underneath me, the driver's blew their horns. I whooped and hollered at my achievement.

Suddenly I heard a loud air horn. A voice was shouting, "YOU! IN THE BLUE DRESS!" (I looked down and remembered I was wearing a blue dress. Oh shit.) "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!"

I froze. Everyone was looking in my direction. The production assistant came running toward me. The director was still yelling. "DO YOU HAVE A BRAIN? THE CAMERAS ARE ROLLING!"

I was mortified. The worst part was that I deserved it. It was a dumb thing to do.

"What is your name?" The production assistant asked me. "Are you an extra?"

I wanted to melt into the pavement. Someone please SHOOT ME NOW.

"Yes. My name is Amy." I couldn't even look at him. Everyone was still watching. The director was muttering obscenities under his breath while everyone moved back to their starting positions.

"Well, Amy, you just got yourself FIRED. The shuttle bus will take you to your car. Next time you decide to pull a stunt like that, maybe you'll think twice."

"Yes sir, I'm really very sorry. I wasn't thinking."

"That's because thinking requires a BRAIN, and obviously you don't have one. Now get your ass out of here. You'll never work for this company again."

I was humiliated. I drove around the city for hours before I went home. I didn't want to tell my family I'd been FIRED as an extra. You can't be a bigger LOSER than that.

Or so, I thought. But then again, it's the story of my life.

I should get a big "L" tattooed on my forehead.