People Who Never Stop Talking About Themselves

I can't stand people who NEVER STOP TALKING ABOUT THEMSELVES. It amazes me how someone can talk for 25 minutes without realizing that the person they're talking to is no longer listening and wants to get the HELL out of there...

These EGO-MANIACS are totally CLUELESS about everything in life, except themselves...

So I'm rushing out of the grocery store when MR. SWOLLEN EGO (my neighbor) calls my name from across the parking lot. I gag when I hear his voice because I always get stuck listening to his DUMB-ASS stories about the women at work who flirt with him and how they all want to marry him... and about his awesome work-out routine at the GYM today and how he lifted 300 pounds while everyone watched and cheered him on... (dry heave) and how "ripped" his body is...  (as he lifts his shirt to show me his ABS- no joke) and about how much money he makes at his job because he's their NUMBER ONE sales rep (of course!) and about all of the "friend requests" he has to deny because he already has 5000 friends, (shoot me NOW) and the whole time he's spewing this shit out of his mouth I've been waiting for a split second to break into the conversation to explain that I'm in a rush and I have to get back to work... but people like him HAVE NO FRIGGIN' CLUE- they just keep on talking and talking and GOD FORBID if you interrupt them! They even have the audacity to say you interrupted them!!!!  (UNBELIEVABLE!)  Mr. BIG HEAD follows me to my car, (still talking) as I climb into the driver's seat. I'm thinking, maybe he'll finally GET THE HINT but he DOESN'T and now he's leaning into my window (STILL TALKING) and I'm wondering why he's not blue in the face from lack of oxygen because HE HASN'T SHUT UP FOR 20 MINUTES and I'm so annoyed at this point I actually HATE MYSELF for putting up with this shit. I want to say, "Hey BALLOON HEAD- SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR A SECOND so I can tell you all the things about yourself that you seem to keep missing... First of all, you are SO ANNOYING I'd rather take a bullet IN MY ASS than listen to you tell another story. Second, you are SO CONCEITED, yet you have nothing to be conceited about. (Unless it's about how conceited you are.) Third- you're arrogant, selfish, boring, and CLUELESS and NOBODY wants to hear another story about how great you think you are. In fact, I'd rather get stabbed repeatedly in my EYEBALL with a SCREWDRIVER than listen to your voice for another minute..." but before I can say this out loud my phone starts ringing (THANK GOD) and it causes him to pause for a brief second, so I cut in with, "Gotta take this call!" as I peel out of the parking lot and never look back...

People who NEVER STOP TALKING ABOUT THEMSELVES should SHUT THE FUCK UP once a while.